Fake Friends
I did a podcast on this topic a few months back, and there have been so many moments since that have prompted me to think back on what I said and those I was referring to.
I just recently had an encounter with one of my "fake friends". I think it says a lot about a person if they are the ones to instigate a conversation, ask a question that they already know the answer to, and then to instantly get upset at the answer. And not just that, but to then become so defensive that there is no conversation to be had.
I was asked such a question. She already knew it was going to be an awkward and hard conversation, and I'm sure she expected me to give her a very glazed over, sugared response to make her feel better. But no. I told myself a long time ago that I needed to stop being so nice to people, and this instance was definitely one that I didn't feel like doing so. But that's not to say I was incessantly rude either.
So I respond; I explain how I feel and my reservations about possibly meeting up and hanging out in the future. Her response is instantly defensive; she's forcing her image of who I am down my throat and trying to make me the bad person. As far as I was concerned, there was no side to the conversation or topic at hand, I was simply expressing how I felt.
The exchange becomes all about her; SHE was having a rough time, SHE had things going on in her life, SHE couldn't be the one to do anything, it was all about HER HER HER HER. I tried to point this out. Like hey...I have my own shit to worry about too, you know? And I go on to glaze it over anyway saying hey, I know I wasn't the best of friends either, but that's literally not the point I'm trying to make.
At the end of her berating me for being a horrible person who's changed, she blocked me. Not just defriended me she BLOCKED me. I guffawed; legitimately.
She had mentioned that she thought I would give her the respect to come forward with my concerns directly and immediately. But, all that I had to say was accumulated over time and held back simply in the hope that she would prove me wrong, which she never did. How could I come forward when it was so much in the making and that ultimately, I had moved on and couldn't care to do so anyway? I would have at least expected some "respect" as well to be received with an actual conversation about our woes rather than to be berated by them like they're some 12 year old with a bone to pick.
It just comes to show that some people do change, and some people never will. I'm not stubborn enough to hold my ground for so long without compromising one way or another just to get to the bottom of it all. And this is ultimately how friendships and relationships work, you compromise. You can fight and yell at each other and disagree all you want, but if the other person is important to you then you'll find a way to understand their point of view, or just consent to not agreeing and simply move on. I'll admit to myself, that no, she was not someone I cared about enough to do anything for anymore, but if she wanted my friendship then sure I would concede to that.
In the end, fake friends are just that, fake. I know I'm a fake friend to a few people and for various reasons, but should they ever call me out on it, then yes I will be honest and give them the answer as to why. I guess you could say she was my fake friend as much as I was hers, we were band aids for each other during a time of great stress and great need. Now that I'm gone, and those stresses and needs are no longer there, that band aid is no longer necessary either.
I feel bad that it ended the way it did, but I was also able to breathe a sigh of relief. I didn't concern myself with her then, and now I no longer need to worry about her concerning herself with me.
I just recently had an encounter with one of my "fake friends". I think it says a lot about a person if they are the ones to instigate a conversation, ask a question that they already know the answer to, and then to instantly get upset at the answer. And not just that, but to then become so defensive that there is no conversation to be had.
I was asked such a question. She already knew it was going to be an awkward and hard conversation, and I'm sure she expected me to give her a very glazed over, sugared response to make her feel better. But no. I told myself a long time ago that I needed to stop being so nice to people, and this instance was definitely one that I didn't feel like doing so. But that's not to say I was incessantly rude either.
So I respond; I explain how I feel and my reservations about possibly meeting up and hanging out in the future. Her response is instantly defensive; she's forcing her image of who I am down my throat and trying to make me the bad person. As far as I was concerned, there was no side to the conversation or topic at hand, I was simply expressing how I felt.
The exchange becomes all about her; SHE was having a rough time, SHE had things going on in her life, SHE couldn't be the one to do anything, it was all about HER HER HER HER. I tried to point this out. Like hey...I have my own shit to worry about too, you know? And I go on to glaze it over anyway saying hey, I know I wasn't the best of friends either, but that's literally not the point I'm trying to make.
At the end of her berating me for being a horrible person who's changed, she blocked me. Not just defriended me she BLOCKED me. I guffawed; legitimately.
She had mentioned that she thought I would give her the respect to come forward with my concerns directly and immediately. But, all that I had to say was accumulated over time and held back simply in the hope that she would prove me wrong, which she never did. How could I come forward when it was so much in the making and that ultimately, I had moved on and couldn't care to do so anyway? I would have at least expected some "respect" as well to be received with an actual conversation about our woes rather than to be berated by them like they're some 12 year old with a bone to pick.
It just comes to show that some people do change, and some people never will. I'm not stubborn enough to hold my ground for so long without compromising one way or another just to get to the bottom of it all. And this is ultimately how friendships and relationships work, you compromise. You can fight and yell at each other and disagree all you want, but if the other person is important to you then you'll find a way to understand their point of view, or just consent to not agreeing and simply move on. I'll admit to myself, that no, she was not someone I cared about enough to do anything for anymore, but if she wanted my friendship then sure I would concede to that.
In the end, fake friends are just that, fake. I know I'm a fake friend to a few people and for various reasons, but should they ever call me out on it, then yes I will be honest and give them the answer as to why. I guess you could say she was my fake friend as much as I was hers, we were band aids for each other during a time of great stress and great need. Now that I'm gone, and those stresses and needs are no longer there, that band aid is no longer necessary either.
I feel bad that it ended the way it did, but I was also able to breathe a sigh of relief. I didn't concern myself with her then, and now I no longer need to worry about her concerning herself with me.
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